Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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