garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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