i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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