i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
