so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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