I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i now understand why vodka
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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