Umm I'm too high to move.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
