i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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