Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
