Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
