So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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