Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
