Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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