just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
