Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
