Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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