Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
