had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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