I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
