In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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