Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
