I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
