I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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