he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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