I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
