Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
