did you get engaged???
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
