The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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