Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this will be a night to untag.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
