If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize