Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
