just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
