imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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