I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
