the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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