he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
