You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
