she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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