just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
