ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
