My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
