i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
