girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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