i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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