I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
