I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
