We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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