I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
