I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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