Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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