he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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