just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
