why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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