Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
