would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
