i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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