It's Friday. Sex?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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