My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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