shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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