Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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