You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
