About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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