i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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