I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
