I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I would fuck him just for his dog
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
