Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is Oprah even human
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
