I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
