He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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