Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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