I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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