Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
