Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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