We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
