Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
