it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
